Re:does anyone else feel stuck snowyheart: hi dstl,
A shitty person, as you say you are would not be remorsefull as you are. You understand your mistakes and flaws, for craps sake we all have em'. Every single human being has a splendid little supply disabilities and imperfections. So your ex walked out, is he perfect, hell no, did he contribute to the situation you are in, hell yes. His choices and mistakes are just as much a part of the split as are yours. It takes two to make it work, but it only takes one "quitter" to make it turn to crap.
Were you married to this guy?
You'll pull through
Re:does anyone else feel stuck zoinks: I can relate to what you're saying ... among other reasons, my ex left because he thought his personality would be swallowed up by mine, that I wasn't kind enough, that I was too willing to fight and he wasn't willing at all.
At first I felt awful, I felt like it was all my fault, like I wasn't gentle enough with him. But really -- his unwillingness to fight was just as unreasonable as my willingness! I mean, sheesh! How can you expect to float along without arguments!
For example, yes I lost my temper over his slovenliness more than once ... but he also contributed by not working on it from his end! I mean, what's more unforgivable - the spirited yelling about beer and soda cans and used q-tips and dirty dishes left all over the apartment, or the leaving of the mess in the first place? There's no excuse for either side.
You may have been negative, you may have been dependent, but you shouldn't feel like it's all your fault. You didn't act the way you did in a vacuum!
You can learn from the experience, you can try to change yourself for the future, but it sounds like your guy may have been denying his own contribution to his unhappiness.
Just speculating, of course ...
