Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? FunkyDiva: It is one of those things that may suit some and not others. I suppose you need to go with what your heart tells you and if it works then so be it. The only thing I would worry about is, where does the friendship go? Can you still be "friends" when the ex sits there and tells you they have met someone else? Can you still continue a friendship knowing the ex is moving on? Will his new partner have a problem with you being friends with the ex? I suppose there are lots of things you have to think about. There is a big difference between being civil and being friends and it is a comfort level thing. The thing you probably have to also think about is whether the ex may get the wrong idea if you are getting on really well. I suppose people generally divorce because they see their relationship as full of hurt and betrayal and then how can you be friends with that person?? Would you go out and choose a friend who mistreated you?
:-/
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? JASPER: I thank all of you on your opinions advice and experience on this subject and you guys are right. I think it is probably to soon for the friend thing. I think it has been making matters worse because he still tries to get me to spend the night every night and if I tell him I'm tired or don't feel like driving all the way over there he gets disappointed.Now I dont know if he is actually just trying to be with me or if he
is trying to make sure I'm not with anyone else.
Funny thing is I've been enjoying him a little better now that were seperated we hang out more and the whole thing isn't as stressful as it was when were trying to run a household.
What will happen if one person moves on before the other.
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? atd74: JASPER,
What will probably happen is a whole lot more resentment and dissapointment by whomever gets left behind first.
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? down2basics: Jasper,
I've always wanted to believe that my x and I could maintain a friendship after we've moved on. His response to that has been.....shall we say....less than positive? He gets fighting mad at the very idea. Why? He has no possession over me! I'm not property! We've been divorced for 10 months now - in September it will be one year and he still thinks he has say so over me. NOT!!
Don't get me wrong though - I do sway back and forth - from wanting him to wishing he'd fall off the planet! Now a days though, I'm very neutral...don't care either way...whatever floats his boat is fine with me. I can't carry the burden of his heart anymore. I've been dragging it around for eighteen months now...whew - what a load! I need to lighten it - soon!
My bf is losing patience with me as well...he's ready for us to move on and we can't as long as I'm so emotionally attached to my x. I wish I could find the magic secret to expel him from my heart and from my head. There's not one that I know of.
I do know I would like for us to be friends on some level, but not where he can spy and control my life!
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? achingallover: o.k. guys, I've got to get in on this because I JUST got a call from my stbx and he actually said he was sorry that he has been so cold and he has been doing that to protect himself. And he said he is very upset and very hurt about what's going on (in my mind I'm thinking...Well then why the HELL are you divorcing me?!?!). I told him thank you for telling me that. I was supposed to go to a wedding in Jersey Thurs - Sun WITH HIM. Close friends of both of ours. However, I have decided I cannot rely on being strong for 4 days of people and festivities. At one point, I thought it might be nice to go and get dressed up pretty and go somewhere. But I am beginning to rethink that. If it were a day thing - yes - but 4 days and I am staying with an woman I barely know in a hotel room to save money - me thinks not! But, he called to arrange travel plans and then threw in the stuff about being sorry he has been so cold. He said he would see me in mediation tomorrow and was like "if you want to go out after and talk, we can". Part of me wants to, but part of me is totally terrified because I don't want this divorce. I'm not sure that I can handle him being nice to me, even though it was MOST EXCELLENT for him to see his behavior has been very hurtful and abusive to me and only making a situation that he already feels bad enough worse. Hum. So odd how things change on a dime in this whole situation. I guess that's what emotional vulnerability is about.
