Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? JimB: IMO:
Get over him first. Then decide whether you are interested in being friends.
In my case, I've learned that my requirements to call someone a friend have changed. My ex doesn't fit these requirements anymore, if she ever did. Certainly, in order to be a friend, one would have to treat me better than she did.
Give it time and rediscover yourself. Don't cling to something that is gone. :-/
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? barelybreathing: This is an interesting topic for me.....
He wants my friendship, says he "needs" my friendship. But it comes with a heavy price, my broken heart....
I don't want to be his friend. Until my heart has healed, I can't. I am an all or nothing kind of gal. Does not mean I don't wish him well. I just can't do it. I have forgiven him, but I can't forget right now......I carry alot of pain inside of me. What kind of friendship does he want from me anyway? It's all so perplexing....PLUS, I sort of feel like, why should he get to have the benefit of my friendship, which IMHO, is pretty awesome, or any part of my soul for that matter, when he bailed so viciously on me and our daughter.
And then, I feel guilt.......am I a hypocrite? Doing to him the very thing he did to me, abandon him.
Still working on this one.....divorce SUCKS!!!! I wish there were certian rules we all had to abide by.
Rule No 1.
1. No friendship. Cease and desist all contact permanently. Divorce means the door is closed permanently.
Yeah right!
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? hurtingverymuch: BB, you hit the nail on the head perfectly. It would be so much easier with no contact at all, but of course, this is called reality.
As with you, my heart's broken and wonder if it will heal. It seems to break more the more I see him.
- Hurt
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? pisces_goddess: ::) I really understand this dilemma.. My ex & I tried the friend thing.. for a minute! But he took it as me not wanting the divorce, or wanting to reconcile...so it just caused pain for the both of us. And even though I was the one to make the choice for the marriage to be over, I still wish somehow, for our daughters sake, we could both accept this and at least be amicable. But, I think that may take years.. I don't know.. I guess everyone's situation is different. ::)
Re: X'S FOR FRIENDS? atd74: Jasper
Everyone's situation is different I guess but when I see these particular questions about staying "friends" my head just starts to spin. I personally feel it is too hard to remain friends even if the split was amicable. It hinders both of your abilities to move forward as one of you has already made the decision to do.
Just last week my ex CAME OVER because he just wanted "5" minutes to tell me he was sorry and see if someday there would be a chance. Of course that was a definite NO and I asked him what he wanted from me? I asked him, "Do you want to be friends?" (Even though I feel that that would be an impossibility after all the pain he caused me) He point blank told me, "NO - I WANT MY WIFE! I DON'T WANT YOUR FRIENDSHIP."
Personally I think you need to let go and move on especially since he may be thinking there could be a new future in the mix. Look inside yourself and decide WHAT DO YOU WANT? Is this what you want or are you doing this because you feel guilty?
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