Re:Throwing it all away for what? Ladybug: Hey Jarhead,
First let me say that it is so refreshing to see you taking responsibility for your actions.
I don't know what to tell you about getting her back. I don't think separation is the answer. She may figure out she just fine w/o you. Have you told her what you told us?
If she decides to try to get past the pain, you have to realize that she is feeling betrayed. She's probably feeling like an idiot for trusting you and wondering who you really are. You have to realize that it is going to take time to build back the trust. You are going to have to put up with her not trusting you for a long time. She has that right....actually she'd be pretty stupid to trust you, until you prove yourself trustworthy again.
I suggest you pursue her like you did when you were first dating. Court her. Back off on the physical part of the relationship and concentrate on the emotional side. You got your work cut out for you. Good Luck! I wish you the best!
BTW...There is a God and he loves you. He can work miracles and can heal wounded relationships...try asking him for help.
Re:Throwing it all away for what? Shanna: I don't think seperation is the best course of action. I could be wrong though. I know if my stbxh tried to get me back right now. I wouldn't not only bc he is a total POS, but bc I LOVE living here without him. I love my life without him. I don't miss him in my space. I don't want to deal with learning to trust again. I am just fine learning to trust someone new. Someone who didn't rip my heart out and then stomp it while I was down.
On the other hand an in-house seperation might not be so bad. Give her space in the house. Do more than your share of the work. She is more than likely totally depressed and devastated. I am not sure if you realize tht your actions not only made her feel betrayed, but probably (if she is like most of us here) you made her feel unworthy of love, ugly, and useless. IT is WRONG, but that is how many of us have felt after being cheated.
I say give her space, but NOT TOO MUCH.....my husband in a way was happy to see me go because he had to face his guilt of the pain he was causing me EVERY day, with me still there. Everytime he looked into my eyes he felt guilt. He couldn't get past the guilt bc he thinks he is a good person that would never cheat. He still thinks that is the funny part.
Re:Throwing it all away for what? soTiredOfHurting: There are so many ways that I want to blast you right now, knowing that you are very likely a Marine makes it worse. You dedicate yourself to our ethos and can't even uphold vows taken that are more sacred than the Corps? All the shame and guilt that you feel now should have kept your @ss sticking to your vows that you have now trashed. Honor-Courage-Commitment aren't to only the job, they are supposed to apply to your life. I know b/c I live them every moment of my day and it is what kept me from ever straying from my spouse, however it did not seem to apply to her.
The seeming willingness to now own up is the right thing to do. You two need serious counseling right now to help you through this. You need help. You can never slip up on any trust granted to you ever. If she gives you the chance that, quite frankly, you do not deserve; you had better pour your heart and soul into it. You should NEVER look for something outside of the marriage that you should be getting from your spouse. If you are considering it, you need to talk to them instead of acting on the impulse.
You are in for a hard road, if she allows you to stay. You had better have the strength to go down it. You have the burden of the work now, you broke the rules and now you have to pay.
Re:Throwing it all away for what? caringmom: First, I think you need to stay at home for now. Don't separate yet. It's harder to work on things when you are apart.
Second, you both need to get into counseling now. Together and probably separately. Hopefully she loves you enough and can work through this, but she's going to need professional help to do it.
Now, I was in a situation something like this. My ex cheated. I loved him enough to give him another chance. I worked very hard on keeping our family together. Notice, I said "I" worked hard. He did in the beginning until he decided to cheat again. I decided after that I was not going to be his door mat anymore. Needless to say, we divorced.
You did the worst thing possible to break her trust and your vows. It's going to be hard for her to get over that. You seem very sincere in your feelings and I really want to believe that you love your wife very much, and you really want to make this work. If she gives you another chance, please, please don't do that to her again.
Get help ASAP, and you will have to be very patient with her. You've got an awful lot of trust to earn back, and it's not going to be easy. It will take time. My prayers are with you both. Let her know if she needs help, she can come here and we will do what we can for her.
Take care,
CM
Re:Throwing it all away for what? defuzer: Give him a break on the Corps values, ethos thing. He is HUMAN first, Marine second. He made a huge, life altering mistake, and he seems to know it. He knows his values as a Marine. No one in the military is exempt. My wife cheated on me, I am in the Army she was in the Army and the guy she cheated with was in the Army, so job doesn't matter.
Hey Devil Dog, you screwed up and you know it. If you want to stay with your wife and she gives you the smallest glimmer of hope that she may want to stay with you, you better work your a** off to win her back and prove that you will never do it again.
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