Re:Overwhelmed, scared and alone Druid13: Smiley I would try to take this one step one day at a time if you can. It sounds like it is all overwhelming you right now and you are thinking of everything outside of yourself. I do understand how this happens too believe me. Like some of the thers are saying think of yourself and your kids right now. Try to take care of those other things later. And definitley try to get some rest. I was very very overwhelmed when my divorce occured and spent so much time just sleeping ( 12 hours a day) I lost weight....I was not eating and I felt aiwas struggling with everything. The important thing is to not let it overwhelm you if possible. ..
Re:Overwhelmed, scared and alone Smiley17: Thank you all so much!
I filed separate support papers two years ago, but it never went to court, since then, the laws have changed here where I can't turn that into a divorce complaint and file without paying $250 which I don't have. In order to avoid that, my stbx was asked by lawyer a year ago to counterclaim so we can file. In MA, both parties have to take a parenting course before papers can be filed. I took mine a year ago, he has yet to take his. I've asked him several times when he's taking it, and he just tells me when he's told to he will. If I try to force him through the courts two things will happen: 1. It'll cost me money I don't have and 2. It'll anger him again. I can't take that, even on my strongest days. I'm just really scared to push and feel so trapped at the same time. He holds the kids over my head and when I take another step towards the divorce, he threatens not to see the kids. I've just now begun to get him to spend quality time with them, I'm afraid of rocking that boat. I know I have to, I really do, but it's just so scary.
Most days I can get through this without a problem, but sometimes it takes hold and doesn't let go, like today.
Unfortunately, I never fully went back to sleep. I took a quick cat nap, but had a nightmare of zombies chasing me down, so let's just say that I didn't rest.
Those zombies were my stbx and his family; the feeling was so strong....
Thank you again, this is really helping. It at least lets me get it out somehow.
One more thing to add... I have a chance to go out with friends tomorrow night, but might not be able to because of a lack of a sitter. My mom won't because of my sister, and my dad might, but we just found out that my grandmother was hospitalized for pneumonia this morning, so that might not happen either. There's no one else available...
My mother thinks I'm made of stone and can just keeping going like she can... If I were like her, I'd run to the cigaretts and a bottle of wine, but I don't. I don't run to anything like that. I deal with it head on - clean - sober - and untainted. I never smoked, hardly drink (especially when upset) and never touched a drug. I think she's jealous of that and tries to break me too sometimes...
It never ends.
