Where do I go from here?.... cadillacjack: Ok here's where I am right now, I still yearn for closure. I don't want my ex back as that would be wrong. I don't hate her, but I am having a problem moving forward. Let me digress: In the last year I have been in counseling (still am) I have dealt with some rather serious issues with my 2 kids (who live with me). I've connected with some wonderful women, but haven't been intimate with any and they have since moved on. Either they weren't ready or I wasn't. So what's left? Does moving on entail finding someone else? Is that the secret? I'm sure it would be easier. But I don't know.
This coming Friday nite I have been invited out, my friend guarantees me my choice of a woman. Is sex the answer to sever that connection to my ex? I mean she lives with this jerk and sleeps in his bed every night. She's seems content and feels she's done nothing wrong. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right. I've done everything else, I've joined a gym and go 5 days week. I spend quality time with my kids, maybe too much. I don't really go anywhere and don't have any real desire to.
It's been a year now since she left and I don't want to go on a trek to find the "right woman", and I'm not sure I'm ready and I don't necessarily need one to complete me, but it's the only thing I haven't done. Does any of this make sense? If any of you are with someone new do you find your life better? Did you get closure on your past love? Please let me know...
Re:Where do I go from here?.... AmyMarie1972: Hi,
Yes it does make sense. You have tried everything so far to take away the painful feelings that you still have but it hasn't worked. You go to the gym, spend time with your kids (which of course you can never spend too much time with) but nothing that you have done has worked.
Sleeping with another woman won't work either and if you are holding feelings of pain and betrayal still, which it sounds as though you are, you will probably be able to add the feeling of guilt to these afterwards.
You will know when you are ready to find someone else, and it probably wont even take any looking. Love does have a habit of just springing up and grabbing hold of you when you are not looking for it. People all heal at different rates and a year is not long. Of course you are going to harbour feelings towards your ex and it is very likely that you always will it's just as time goes on those feelings govern you less and less until they no longer effect you and your life.
You should still go out and have fun on Friday but don't feel compelled to hook up with anybody. Tell your friend that you will go but just to have fun, not to find a new woman.
As I say Love will find you, you really don't need to go and find it.
Have fun on Friday
Re:Where do I go from here?.... slowlearner: Amy has said it all. I think sex without love is not what you need to find closure. You will know when it's time to cross that bridge - and you won't need your mates to set it up for you. Be true to yourself.
Re:Where do I go from here?.... amola: cj,
i want to echo every word that amy said (must be something with the name, because she said exactly what i wanted to say!) in her post above! she said it perfectly!
do not go out on friday with the intention of hooking up with someone--been there, done that, didn't work for me. it was fun, but there was no meaning to it and it really didn't help me to get over my ex.
[quote"> If any of you are with someone new do you find your life better? Did you get closure on your past love? [/quote">
i have now started seeing someone, and while it does help to distract me from thinking about my ex, it doesn't add to the closure. that is something that i had to accomplish on my own. my life is definitely better with this guy in it, just because in the last week he has shown me how a guy is supposed to treat someone which has been a learning experience for me.
just remember, your kids come first, and they will be affected by every decision that you make. i know that you've had a tough time with your daughter, and i hope that she's doing ok. give me an update when you get a chance, will ya?
hang in there babe.....it'll get better!
{{{hugs}}}
:)
amola
Re:Where do I go from here?.... teacherwriterguy: [quote"> So what's left? Does moving on entail finding someone else? Is that the secret? I'm sure it would be easier. But I don't know.[/quote">
I don't know that there is a magic moment where suddenly it's alright or okay again - or that there's a secret to turning off feelings.
Just time and a willingness to focus on yourself, your kids, and looking forward.
Not much of an answer, but there it is.
twg
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