Re:Where do I go from here?.... wingman: hi cj,
I really believe that closure can only come from one thing:
Time..
Everyone gets it at different times.. For some it takes months, others years. It will come in its own time, my friend.
Sex isn't the answer at all. In fact, it can make things much worse if you aren't emotionally ready for it.
Re:Where do I go from here?.... Ladybug: Hey Cadillac
I think closure is an on going thing. After I found out my XH was "in love" with another woman and he moved out, I sent him many emails expressing what a SOB I thought he was. >:( He was smart enough not to respond to most of them...I'd get his goat every now and then ;D and he'd have to reply. I know that may sound childish and counter productive, but I needed him to know what he had done to me.
While we were married, if something good happened, something bad happened, whatever, it wasn't real until I told him about it. I used to tell people who wanted to confide in me "Don't tell me, if I can't tell my husband." Putting it in writing help sooo much, but that wasn't enough for me. He needed to know. I didn't want to fight with him and after a while, I didn't even want him to see it my way...I did at first, but gave up on that impossible dream. ;) I just needed him to know. And I was able to get closure on the anger and I was able to let the anger go, but that was only the first step.
Now closure, for me, is all about repairing the damage done to my soul. Getting over the hurt and the loss of the ability to trust someone in the innocent and complete way that I trusted him. It's about learning to believe in love again. Getting myself to a place where I can feel all that again. I am just starting this phase of my process. This page has helped a lot, but I really don't know what else to do. I think I just got to keep going and wait.
There's nothing wrong with having sex just for the sake of having sex as long as everyone’s clear about what's happening. However, sex won't fix anything. Sex is good. It's fun. It's something you can enjoy, but don't expect it to cure what ails ya.
Re:Where do I go from here?.... riversandlakes: Previous posts said it all. Perhaps at this state now it is about repairing the damage done to the soul and heart. Love, if it was meant to be, will be there - when you are ready to embrace...
Because it is love that cut deep each and every one of us here. Betrayal of such complete trust. Thought it was a castle, but actually only a house of cards. It needs time to heal.
Everyone seems to say it will heal - time and length varies. I find that hard to believe now, but work is getting heavier (and better this way) day by day.
Just have to believe the age-old wisdom, now don't I?
Bud, this too, shall pass.
Re:Where do I go from here?.... cadillacjack: UPDATE: well well well.....So's I get all gussied up, black pants, black sox, black shoes, black t-shirt and a black hoodie (which makes reference to a rather well known motorcycle club) and jump in one of my Caddie's with my friend who is considerably younger and dressed like something out of a GAP commercial (quite the opposite of my appearance) and we go to this club.
I haven't been to place like this in over 10 years, its kind of a rave atmosphere. Keep in mind I'm 6'1" 300+ pounds....(I wear it well but trying to lose) long black hair, a bushy goatee and I'm in my 40's. This place is full of 20 to 30 something's...
Now the guy I'm with looks like a computer geek (oddly enough that's what I do for a living). The next thing I know, as I order my cooler (yes cooler) about 6 little cuties come bounding over and flank my bud. They look at me with some apprehension until he introduces me and says I'm cool. Well that's all it took....
As the evening wore on, this little lovely is hanging on to me and every word I said. To make a long story short, I'm thinking she's a kid.. half my age....easy pickings; did it go any further? She wanted to, but no; because of me...My sense of .....something kicked in. BUT I did get phone numbers, all kinds; including one from a cute blonde, closer to my age, I met at a motorcycle rally a few years ago who is single now and heard that I was ...
So why am I telling you all this? well let me put it perspective... if a big, hairy biker type can do this, so can you. In the bar scene I probably won't find "Miss Right" but I could find "Miss Right NOW" I learned that there ARE plenty of fish and it was such a boost to my self esteem....I think I might be alright after all....
Re:Where do I go from here?.... PiscesGoddess: ;D ;D Good for you CJack for gettin out there!
And I have to say there is nothin wrong with men in their 40s' that ride motorcycles..cause thats my hubby too! :D
Of course when we started out he wasnt my hubby..he was just a hot 44 year old bike rider and I was a hot 32 year old blonde! 8) To be honest we didnt expect to last..we were just out for a little "fun"..but now 2 years later we're going strong..Im just tryin to say..age doesnt really matter if your having fun and have something in common. So I say keep on keepin on ..and Good luck!! 8)
Pisces
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