Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation OldSchool: justdontknow,
You've been given alot to think about from everyone who responded. There are some things that only you know the answer to already. Are you like halfway out the door now? Have you talked with your gf about these feelings you have and what your plan of action is?
I will commend you for being honest with yourself in coming to this conclusion in the first place, and I've never been in this situation so I don't know how you feel. There aren't many times in life where you can connect on another level with someone and are able to share the things that you have. Just to throw another scenario out there and put aside your current situation. Say you meet another woman that you connect with and fall in love with and she has no kids. The unknown are the qualities that have your current relationship special, and it's possible another woman could enhance or not bring as much to the table.
You are what you are today, with the path you've walked in life. To just shut the door on it now will be something only you can really deal with and it is a very difficult decision. I do wish you the best and hope that in either way you choose, you'll be able to say to yourself 'no regrets'.
OS
Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation sheydp: If you truly love the little girl, and choose to adopt her, her father might sign off his rights... Why? Because he would no longer be obligated for child support, or visitation.
However, now that I put that option out there... I gotta say, as a single mom of three, yes, I am not "portable". However, my children make me the person I am- if you love me, you love that I am a mother. They ARE me - in miniature... The part of them that is my ex is also me - it is the choice that I made, long ago, and is who I WAS. The fact that I am not with him now is also part of me.
She made a mistake in choices years ago - but that is still part of her - her humanness. How can you not love that she is human, and imperfect in such a beautiful way as to choose to love this sweet and beautiful little "product of a mistake" with all her heart? That child IS her - and part of what makes her special, and who she is... If she is truly the "right girl" it is BECAUSE of the child, not in spite of her.
Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation free122004: justdontknow;
I have three children 21, 15, & 9; only one is biologicaly mine. But they are all are my "kids" and I miss them everyday & I am thankfull that they are part of my life everyday.
I have been living with this situation for the last 13 years. My oldest son will be 16 in September, he was 2 when his mother and I met. We divorced about 6 years later after having our own child. Now I have a wonderful son & daughter. My son's father has missed being part of a wonderful young man's life. I may not be his biological father, but I am his Father never the less.
When I was around 12, I found out that my mother was adopted by my Grandparents. What a total shock, my brother & sister knew. They all assumed that I knew. My Mom's mother abandoned them when my Mom was young. Her Dad tried, but raising to young kids just wasn't working out. My Grandparents could not have kids and they we friends with my Mom's dad. So, to give her & my Uncle a better life, they adopted both of them. Her real Dad only lives about an hour away from her & they stay in touch. When I was 17, I wanted to find out about my Mom's Mother. I asked my Mom if she minded? She told me that it would be fine, but if I found her, don't tell her. I asked her why? She told me that your parents are not necessarily those that you are born to; they are the people that love you & care for you. The ones that are there to calm your fears, celebrate your triumphs and just love you. It was not important to her. In time I realized that it wasn't important because she knows who her Mom & Dad are and that is good enough. It was then finding her mother became unimportant to me.
You are going to have to decide. I had similar thoughts and reservations, but I do not regret making the decision to love my son as my own. There is no distiction between him & my daughters, they are all my kids. And I am forever grateful for having them in my life.
Whatever happens, this child did not have anything to do with what happened; it happened. You can get angry with biological father, but don't transfer it to your gf or her daughter. Just let be....and if you decide to love them both then do it with your whole heart......no half measures. The rewards are unbelievable.......now I have to go and call my "kids".
Thank you for reminding me how important they all are in my life. Good luck.
