Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation i_sing_alone: If he has left the country for good, as he says he has, and does not contact his child, then eventually your girlfriend can take him to court for abandonment.
This basically gives her 100% of parental rights, would allow you to legally adopt the child if/when you marry, and if you so choose. It would take away all of his rights to the child.
Having said that, his parents will still be entitled to rights as grandparents, whether or not he has his rights removed. That is something to consider as well.
I would certainly discuss this with your girlfriend, with all of your feelings on the table. Being a parent is hard enough, and it will be hard on the child if she is getting attached to you and you leave. Think first of the child, please!!!
If your girlfriend decides that she would like to have the father's rights taken away, I recommend you get a really good lawyer with a good track record in this sort of matter, and do a lot of research yourselves.
Having said that, it is a tough situation and you must realize that being a parent- or a stepparent- is a 24/7 job that will last for the rest of your life. If you are not willing to invest in this, please walk away now.
-Amanda
Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation rhondam71: You sound like you have been walking around saying "poor me". But what I see is someone who found a complimentary partner to share his life with AND she comes with a beautiful 2 year old daughter. Yes, the father may throw wrenches into your living arrangements, etc. No, you may not be able to take off for Sweden on a whim...but if you are that concerned with having those options left open you may want to think it through. Certainly it's great and exciting to expose yourself/children to culture, but in reality, are you going to drag them away from friends, family, school, work, etc. to do so?
The father may be no prize, but that little girl is probably your GF's pride and joy and she's here because she belongs here and deserves 100% love with no bitterness or feelings of "what could have been" directed towards her or her mother.
I hope this works out for you, but please pledge to love and support your GF and her daughter, or let them go.
Good luck.
Rhonda
P.S. A 2 year old is just waiting to be taught. Your influences and habits will wear off on her and you will feel like she is yours.
Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation ChristyM: While I think you are completely justified in your own opinions, I think it's a little late to be determining if this is the right girl for you. I'm sure your girlfriend loves you and I would assume her little girl has gotten attached to you.
I agree with Jim that you need to figure out what about this makes you so angry. Honestly, your optimal situation for marriage and real life aren't realistic. If you were my boyfriend and were having such a hard time with the situation and accepting my daughter as someone I love, cherish and make my top priority, I'd probably rather you just leave. It reeks of selfishness on your part. You knew the situation when you decided to get involved with her.
Christy
Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation justdontknow: Thankyou all so much for your comments so far. It is really helping me think this thru.
JimB: You are so right. My anger on the situation is a 'me' issue, not a 'us' issue. There is 100% trust between my girlfriend and me. I have to try and figure out where these feelings are coming from and deal to them or let it go.
i-sing-alone: The birth father is now back in the country and see's his daughter every second weekend only since I have been on the scene. Only god knows if he will up and leave and go overseas again. My girlfriend has told me and other people 'I wish he (the birth father) would just leave us alone'. She would never ever stop her daughter seeing her birth dad every second weekend and i agree (if he's around). She has told me she wants her daughter to make her own decision (when shes older) if she wants contact with the birth dad, rather than the daughter say to the mother "why did you never let me see my birth dad" I totally agree with that.
rhondam71: 'poor me'- objectivly looking at that comment - yes i suppose i have been thinking that.
We live in a country of five million people. Four million live at home, and one million live overseas believe it or not. We are a country who love travelling and seeing the world. My issues with the birth father having control over where his daughter goes (even though he has freely come and gone), and then in effect where we as a family could go is not about taking the little girl away from her friends, i suppose its about my girlfriend has baggage - an ex partner who has control in her and her daughters life today and forever and in effect mine. I really dislike that. I dont have baggage that I bring into this relationship, and to a point Im proud of that. I dont like it that my girlfriend has baggage. (Dont read me wrong, im not calling the beautiful 2 year old baggage, just the situation)
Re:Ive met the right girl in the wrong situation 4finger: justdontknow:
have you had a chance to think about it? Do you have an idea of where the feelings of anger are coming from?
I'm in a similar situation and I also get angry (on occassion) over "the situation" but I haven't able to pin my anger down to anything other than just wishing it were different. Have you?
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